How does one explain the feeling of loneliness when surrounded by raising children and ball games and band concerts and chaos and homework and proms and graduations and moving trucks and college and letting go? 

The loneliness was understandable when they were gone and the letting go was done. Recognizing now that I could be a participant in the non-loneliest of times and yet be. so. lonely was just really really sad. 

Loneliness for me was never having anyone in my corner to back me up. I didn’t want a cheerleader as much as I needed a defender. Loneliness was needing someone to stick up for me when I couldn’t stand up for myself.

I asked for it. I begged for it. But it didn’t come naturally, and I don’t think that’s something that can be taught. I think it’s something that must be innate when you love someone from a place so deep you cannot articulate it.

When asked why I love so deep and so hard when I have never been loved the same it is a simple answer. I never want anyone to feel as alone as me. 

If I have nothing left but my heart to give, please don’t take it lightly.