The nights are darkest. The days pass without immense feelings of loneliness, but it’s the nights.

The nights bring the truth.

The truth is that this may be my eternity. I could spend the next 35 years or the equivalent of another lifetime, sleeping alone and waking the same.

I am not OK with that realization.

I am fiercely independent and honestly don’t even want to share my closet or clean up after another person but I don’t want to spend my eternity dreading the 10 or 15 or 30 where I lie in my bed alone. To stretch my toes and reach for anothers foot to touch. I wish for the sound of deep breathing next to me and the rumble of snoring would bring me such peace.

23 hours are manageable. It’s only the night that brings the lonely.