Category: Uncategorized

brave new world

I’m not cute anymore and I’m not young and my body has battle scars. My wrinkles speak volumes of my experiences. 

I am a living, walking, breathing embodiment of history. My struggles and my triumphs. And it’s written all over my face.

I am proud of what those creases in my forehead and the laugh lines near my eyes represent. 

Longing to be young again isn’t even a thought. 

Wanting to look like I did 40 years ago is unreasonable.

Living my best life is indescribable. It’s empowering. Embracing all the physical attributes of a woman in her 60s and owning it requires bravery. And I. Am. Brave. 

Sexagenarian

Life as a sexagenarian

I had no idea.

I had no idea that I had entered a decade as a sexagenarian. Those of us who are in our 60’s are called sexagenarians.

I wish I would have known sooner. Maybe I would’ve embraced it more.

40 years in one relationship. I was comfortable, he was comfortable, there were no expectations. In fact, there was nothing at all. There was nothing but complacency on both of our parts. I refuse to blame anyone but myself.

There came a time during the summer of 2022 where I realized we were not on the same page. Please understand, I will write this from my perspective, and my perspective only. I will not throw him under the bus. I will not speak for him.

We wanted different things. And when we were together, we were not making each other happy anymore. Again, I can’t speak for what he wanted but I can tell you that I wanted a career. I didn’t want to live in the country. I knew I was a city girl. My career was everything. And I knew I wanted to be a boss.

Separation was a difficult choice. But we spent nearly 15 months apart and it was during that time that I believe we both knew that this would never work. I can tell you that we decided to continue to parent together and to  Grandparent gracefully.

He didn’t pursue me and I didn’t reach out to him. We were complacent. I believe we were transparent about our feelings, and neither of us wanted more. 

It was not an easy decision. But it was the best decision that either of us could make for ourselves.

I come from a world where marriage lasts forever. So does he.

I come from world where divorce is a failure. So does he. 

And I come from a world where it’s not about deserving happiness. It’s about being committed. It’s about the family. It’s what is best for everyone. Except for yourself.

Making a decision that would affect family holidays, living situations, taxes, perception, and the possibility of no one supporting me was terrifying. But it was the kind of decision that if I didn’t make it now, would I ever?

Fortunately, for me, I had family support. My kids understood and loved me anyway.

So now here I am as a sexagenarian. When I left my husband, I made it perfectly clear that no one would see me unclothed, and I would never be in a physical relationship with anyone.

That lasted until the second date. 

But, it explains everything. I’m a sexagenarian. It’s OK.  My kids do not want to know this about me. My family does not want to know this about me so I’m begging their forgiveness and asking them to move on and read something else.

I’m a sexagenarian.

Enough said?

honey’s heart

olive.george

she was late making her entrance into this world. no surprise. her dad was late as well.

the good ones always make us wait.

that little punkydoodle changed my world.
my first foray into loving someone unconditionally was when i gave birth to my children.

but i had no idea that the gut wrenching Love i would have for that little bundle of energy would consume me. deeper than the deepest.

people say she looks like me. i even overheard her dad telling her mom last summer, the day i was teaching her how to swim, we were both wet and I heard him say oh my God she looks just like mom.

she calls me honey. she’s dramatic. and smart. and funny. maybe she acts like me more than she looks like me.

it’s been 18 weeks. she’s on a trip as she puts it. i miss her like crazy.

in 8 or 9 weeks she will turn 3.

oli.g

even though i miss her so much my heart hurts, i wouldn’t change a minute of being her honey.

morgan

Morgan Autumn Kemery will be 25 forever. 

That is one of the first things that my sweet sister said to me after she died. 

The world will never be the same. Our lives will never be the same.

Morgan called me two weeks before she died. And I couldn’t answer because I was at work.

I should have answered anyway. 

Morgan exuded life and living. She was in love, and she was loved. Morgan was not easy. Her great-grandmother would  have called her precocious. 

Morgan would be sad if she knew that her loss was causing so much pain. She would want us to be celebrating the 25 years that she gave to everyone around her. 

We aren’t there yet Momo. we will get there. We need time to process our Broken Hearts. 

See you on the other side Mo. 

Ryan

When my daddy died August 25 of 2020, I thought my world was over. But 18 months later on February 6, 2022 my life really ended. 

Covid took my brother. 

Ryan Matthew Ritchie was only 47 years old. He left behind his mother, his sister, and his two children. 

It wasn’t fair.

My heart hurt when my daddy died, but it broke in two when Ryan died. 

He had so much left to give to the world. I never met anyone who didn’t love him. His kids really needed him. His mother will never be the same.

I needed more time Ryan.  

I needed more time.