Life as a sexagenarian

I had no idea.

I had no idea that I had entered a decade as a sexagenarian. Those of us who are in our 60’s are called sexagenarians.

I wish I would have known sooner. Maybe I would’ve embraced it more.

40 years in one relationship. I was comfortable, he was comfortable, there were no expectations. In fact, there was nothing at all. There was nothing but complacency on both of our parts. I refuse to blame anyone but myself.

There came a time during the summer of 2022 where I realized we were not on the same page. Please understand, I will write this from my perspective, and my perspective only. I will not throw him under the bus. I will not speak for him.

We wanted different things. And when we were together, we were not making each other happy anymore. Again, I can’t speak for what he wanted but I can tell you that I wanted a career. I didn’t want to live in the country. I knew I was a city girl. My career was everything. And I knew I wanted to be a boss.

Separation was a difficult choice. But we spent nearly 15 months apart and it was during that time that I believe we both knew that this would never work. I can tell you that we decided to continue to parent together and to  Grandparent gracefully.

He didn’t pursue me and I didn’t reach out to him. We were complacent. I believe we were transparent about our feelings, and neither of us wanted more. 

It was not an easy decision. But it was the best decision that either of us could make for ourselves.

I come from a world where marriage lasts forever. So does he.

I come from world where divorce is a failure. So does he. 

And I come from a world where it’s not about deserving happiness. It’s about being committed. It’s about the family. It’s what is best for everyone. Except for yourself.

Making a decision that would affect family holidays, living situations, taxes, perception, and the possibility of no one supporting me was terrifying. But it was the kind of decision that if I didn’t make it now, would I ever?

Fortunately, for me, I had family support. My kids understood and loved me anyway.

So now here I am as a sexagenarian. When I left my husband, I made it perfectly clear that no one would see me unclothed, and I would never be in a physical relationship with anyone.

That lasted until the second date. 

But, it explains everything. I’m a sexagenarian. It’s OK.  My kids do not want to know this about me. My family does not want to know this about me so I’m begging their forgiveness and asking them to move on and read something else.

I’m a sexagenarian.

Enough said?