Tag: Lessons

I miss my kids

It was April the last time I saw my beautiful Courtney, and my Stephen is in Houston.  While I’ll get to see Courtney at Thanksgiving in New York, it will most likely be Christmas before I see my son.

I miss my kids.  And it’s my fault.

When I was raising my kids I used to tell them that after high school they could go anywhere.  That was the time for them to see the world – there’s more to this life than Oklahoma.  I love the Sooner state, but I wanted them to have a choice – to see what was out there and then make the choice as to where they wanted to live.  If all else failed, they could always come home.

I admit, I was trying a little reverse psychology, and it didn’t work.  I thought if I told them to go, they would choose to stay.  I was wrong.

And now, as the holidays approach, I start getting sad.

That’s to be expected.  But I’ve also reached a place in my life where my kids are happy and they don’t really need me as much as they used to.  Whereas before I would get at LEAST one call a day from Courtney and a call or two a week from Stephen, now I’m lucky if Stephen has time for me once a month and Courtney does good to have time for me once a week.

I understand that they are living the lives I raised them to live, but I didn’t know it would hurt so much.  I LIKE my kids, I LOVE my kids, and I MISS my kids.  I spent 25 years being their mom, and now, they don’t need me.

So I’m baking.  I’m sending them all the goodies that they can’t get anywhere else.  I’m tempting them, enticing them, bribing them – whatever it takes – to remind them that there’s no place like home.  Caramel popcorn, fudge, party mix and puppy chow – all their favorites.

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change anything.  I know they’re living the lives they were intended to live.  But I would suggest to other moms out there – make home the place that nothing can compete with.

Or, just drill it into their little minds that Mom always comes first.  Period.

Guilt works too.  That’s my next approach.

Stupid empty nest…

Important things I learned from my dad

Dear Dad,

I just wanted you to know that the things you taught me and the example you set for me made me the woman, wife, and mother that I am today.  In spite of all the times I slammed my door, argued with you, and pouted when I got mad – I was listening.  At least most of the time.

You taught me how to remove stitches when I was 10 – who needs a doctor when you can do it yourself?

You taught me that coconut cream pie and a Coke is the REAL breakfast of champions

You taught me that Christmas trees don’t have to be purchased – there are plenty available off the side of the road, over the fence and through the woods – you just have to bring your own saw and HURRY!

You taught me that “IT’S NOT TO REASON WHY, IT’S TO DO OR DIE”

You taught me how to drive a stick shift – or, rather, you frowned and yelled a lot and I cried – but I learned and I’m the one who taught my kids

You taught me that when you disciplined me it was hurting you worse than it was hurting me – hmmm, still not quite sure about that one

You taught me not to do as you DID, but to do as you SAID – I’ve used that one a few times myself

You never swore, except to Pete, whoever that was

And most importantly, you continue to teach me that I can count on you and you will always, always be there for me.

That was proven first in 1972 when our life became just the two of us.  I can never thank you enough for taking on the responsibility of raising a 9-year-old me.  That was not easy, I’m certain.

“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.” Sigmund Freud

Freud was right, but not just in childhood, forever.

Love,

Your daughter